Letter to me at 16

Saw this on a random wordpress blog, so figured why not. A letter to ourselves at 16.

Well, here it is, wish I had a picture from back then to show with it.

Dear 16 Year old Monkey,

Yes monkey, you.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!!!

You spend your days, hanging out with these guys (who really will be some of your best friends for decades), worrying about the (extracurricular club – which you will actually still love and provides some of the best memories of your teenage years) and fretting about (name redacted – really, she isn’t that big a deal).

Turn off the (emo’ish band) CD, go outside, go over to (name redacted)’s house and chill out. Hit on his sister’s friend, she’s cool with it. Plus you’ll forget about whats-her-name (trust me you really will).

A future dog of yours

Look here is the final score. In about two years you’re going to be bored and go join the Army Reserves, no really, QUIT LAUGHING.

Yes, yes, yes, I know you got kicked out of JROTC, go for it. College will wait the one semester, trust me just keep doing what you’re doing now and you’re in. They will have no problem even holding the scholarships for a semester. But here is where it gets important. Do not join the Active Duty Army, not yet.

STOP LAUGHING, (man talking to me is like a brick wall) really you’re going to want to do it.

I know right now you want to get into Genetics, or Microbiology, or Computer Science. And those are all great. But here is a secret, you actually want to get into Law. Yes I know, a lawyer. I can’t explain why, well I can, but it would take too long. It turns out you really like to think about stuff, and love to argue, and love to play devil’s advocate. You recognize that pretty much everything has two sides (minimum), even if one side is really jacked up.

So, get whatever degree you want, you’ll love it too. Don’t sweat it too much, college is pretty easy, no really, turns out reading Dad’s textbooks wasn’t just a way to kill a few lazy Sundays and the Summer of your Junior year.

Oh yeah, it hasn’t happened yet, well if I tell you it will f*%$ up your college years, so I can’t tell you. If it matters you’ll be fine, the girl is fine, (name redacted) is fine, although you’ll be pissed at him for a few years. But let me tell you this, it isn’t his fault, and it will take you so long to come to terms with that, but you will never again have a problem with the “just world” bias once you come to grips with it. And know this, avoiding him won’t stop it, but could make it worse.

If it matters the only one who gets physically hurt is you, but not that bad, you don’t feel it until later, and hell, you’ve always healed quick. Everyone else pretty much comes out fine and you get mad props for it later.

Anyway, get the degree sign up for the Active duty. Get your commission to be an officer, or don’t, you’d love being an NCO (Sergeant to you).

Okay, seriously the giggling is annoying. Being a Sergeant is nothing like the movies, it is very rewarding.

Oh hey, you’re going to spend some time in a few foreign countries, but you’ll have enjoyed it.

Here are my last few words of advice, AND NO I AM NOT TELLING YOU WHAT TO INVEST IN STOP ASKING!!!

Love your family

Stay away from politics, who am I kidding that is not going to happen. Just don’t get brainwashed, question EVERYONE and EVERYTHING (except Bach, Bach rocks), but not to their face, question the truth of what they say. Always try to discover what it might mean, keep some perspective.

Stop smoking, seriously man, it sucked quitting at 36. And you don’t even want to know how much money we spent on cigarettes all those years.

Oh, Army Recruting will suck, very hard, but it has some wonderful aspects too.

Well, I think that about covers it. Hmm lemme see, yeah that should do it.

Oh hell, why not.

Buy some Apple stock, but not their computers, you still won’t like them. Buy some Microsoft next year.

Your buddy,

Older Monkey

P.S. People are jerks, but you’re a people too so it is okay, we can’t help it. We’re bad monkeys, so no biscuit.

P.S.S Rob and Chad will be your friends forever, and won’t ever actually ask you to hide a body for them, but you would.

 😉

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